Leaning In: Learning to Show Up in Your Own Life

Be the Main Character of Your Life

This can be a difficult mindset to develop, but it is definitely easier to live as the person who “leans into their life”, solves their own problems, makes stuff happen and navigates their life from the helm. There is so much truth to the advice “it gets hard before it gets easier”. This involves learning to bounce back from failures, developing flexibility in your thinking, finding solutions to your problems and building your assertiveness skills.

Wait, what? Aren’t assertive people BORN assertive?!?! you ask..

Well, no actually! Assertiveness is the quality of being self-assured and confident without being aggressive; and; in the field of psychology and psychotherapy, it considered a highly  learnable skill and mode of communication. So ha! yes, yet again I am pushing you to build the skills that you need to be the most successful version of yourself. Yup, what a meanie I am 😉

Want to be more assertive so that you can have better control over your life?

Check this out

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Showing Up in Your Own Life

Here are some guiding questions to get you thinking about what it really means to fully show up in your life.

Where are you showing up in your life?

Start with understanding where you feel the most at ease being your full self and then ask “why don’t I feel this in all aspects of my life?”

How do you show up in your life?

Do you tend to be cautious and hesitant in your life, perhaps waiting for others to do things for you? Showing up in your life with 100% effort is the only way to go. Whatever you do, wherever you go, be fully present and ready to show up BIG. Solve your problems, learn new ways of coping or thriving and design your life.

What keeps you from showing up?

Maybe you feel insecure or uncertain about how others perceive you. It’s almost always our own negative self-perceptions that block us from being our true selves, and showing up in the world. Acknowledge these fears and work with them. Experiment with new ways of doing things.

What does it mean for you to show up?

The idea of truly showing up in your life can be scary and invoke a sense of panic. Fears around not being accepted or acknowledged run deep in our bones. Showing up in your life now means trusting that you are enough, and that you offer value on many levels. Yes, you are interesting!

Where can’t you show up?

We all have limitations so be realistic about the places that are impossible for you to show up. Sometimes avoidance, being quiet or simply observing can be all that you need to be present and assertive in that moment.

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Still Feel That You Just Can’t Move Your Life Forward?

Please check out this amazing and inspirational TedTalk, “Living Beyond Limits” presented by Amy Purdy. I challenge you to use 9 minutes of your time to change your mindset. You will be inspired.

How will you answer Amy’s question?

If life were a book, and you were the author, how would you want your story to go?

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Assertiveness and Self-Confidence…

…are really great friends…

Here are some statements to help you get into the right frame of mind for writing your own story; making your life happen as you create it.

Assertiveness Bill of Rights

The “Assertiveness Bill of Rights” can really help you to develop a thinking framework that can shift you to a more self-respectful approach to your life, in balance with respect for others. This mindset shift can also help you to “lean into your life” and make your life happen and your story come alive.

• I have the right to be treated with respect.
• I have the right to have and express my own feelings, beliefs and opinions.
• I have the right to be listened to and be taken seriously.
• I have the right to set my own priorities.
• I have the right to say no without feeling guilty.
• I have the right to ask for what I want.
• I have the right to get what I pay for.
• I have
the right to make mistakes.
• I have the right to assert myself even though I may inconvenience others.
• I have the right to choose not to assert myself.
• I have the right to be human.

To start building assertiveness, start with asking yourself the following questions: 

• Am I comfortable meeting new people in social situations?
• Am I able to say “no” without feeling guilty or too anxious?
• Am I able to express strong emotions such as anger, frustration or disappointment if I need to?
• Can I easily request help and information from others?
• Do I feel capable of learning new things?
• Am I able to acknowledge and take responsibility for my own actions?
• Can I tell others when their behaviour is not acceptable to me?
• Can I speak confidently in group situations?
• Do I believe that my needs are as important as those of others and should be considered?
• Can I assert or maintain my beliefs even when the majority disagrees with me?
• Can I express anger and disappointment without blaming others?
• Do I value my own experience and wisdom?

If you said “no” to any of the above questions, ask yourself “is this something I want to change in my life?” and if so, “what small steps am I willing to take?”

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What do you want yours to look like?

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Dr. Heather Drummond,  C.Psych.

Psychologist * Passionate Advocate for Flourishing * Human Muddling Through

#EmbraceThisMessyLife

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References

• A Simple Boost for Social Confidence
• 5 Questions To See If You Are Showing Up In Your Life by Andra Brosh, PhD